Oh gosh...here we go...

Here we go...I've gone and found myself something else to get really really excited about.
A few months ago, while padding my christmas wish list, I came across a really neat looking pair of roller skates. Quadlines.

I thought, WOW. Fantastic! Rollerblade wheels on a quad skate! YES! so from that moment I decided those would be it.
Flash forward to 2 weeks ago when I did my taxes... I finally had some extra cash to get these babies with. Exciting!
Flash forward to this past Sunday... My mom suggested that I watch "Whip It" with her. Rollerskating? Drew Barymore acting and directing? Ellen Page? Yes please! So I sat down to watch this harmless little movie. oh dear, was it not.
Now I'm having grand delusions of joining a Roller Derby League. I mean...about 75% of me is terrified of getting hurt, but the other 25% is REALLY LOUD and SUPER ENTHUSIASTIC about skating and the outfits and the FUN! I am what you call a team player, and I haven't been on a team in ages.
So yesterday out of boredom at work, I looked up to see if there were local leagues.
there are 2. and I cannot stop thinking about the possibility.
Oh lord in heaven.
I'm not saying I'm going to join. but I'm gonna go watch, and I decided today that it might be a good idea to get some skates that, if I do go mentally insane, I could use for that purpose. I mean it's not like they cost $10 or something.
So after a full morning of scouring the interwebs, I have found these:

And since it's winter and I can only skate inside, they are indoor skates, BUT when it gets nicer out, I will purchase some Outdoor wheels, so they are appropriate for wherever I go.
The only problem I'm now having is what color wheels to get. I think it's between pink and ice blue. and of course I'd have to get laces to match. or laces that compliment the bad-assery of them. I'm quite fond of these. if by the end of the week, I still am...I will be happy and the new owner of Riedell 165 Vixen Derby skates. :)

TiLT (on Friday)

-Dancing for 5 hours with 2 of my favorite guys
Great band, Seedy Bar in my Hometown and dancing until I can barely walk! So good. :)

-Dreaming of my Move to NYC
Fall ’10!!! Savings account open and filling? Check. Craigslist daily research? Check. Studying Audio and mixing in my bit of free time? Check. Searching for possible furniture? Check.

-Rediscovering my love for Opera and Classical music
If you follow my twitter, you know that I went a bit crazy the other night posting songs. I also uploaded most of my Charlotte Church, and another Opera CD that I have. I also purchased "The Magic Flute(Die Zauberflöte)" last night. Oh Mozart, I wish you weren't dead so you could be my Boyfriend.

-My video (vlog or song) every week in 2010 project
So Far so good...5 weeks down 47 more to go!

-accepting situations and making the best of them

-being kind to my vocal cords

-My beautified Moleskine
http://tinyurl.com/yb7h3mc

-Doing my taxes and not owing a SINGLE CENT
And also figuring out what to do with this extra money! So far:
~VidCon Plane Tickets
~Rollerskates
~External Hard drive (since I broke my other one)
~(MAYBE) a Backtreet Boys Fanclub membership (I've wanted one for over 10 years now)
~Put the rest (most of it) into the Operation NYC fund! XD

-Our new twitter non-Lost-watchers club “Found”

-Finding out I had my own Last.FM artist page (!)

-Actually Enjoying the Grammy’s for the 1st time in a while

-Watching The Hangover with my mom (HAHAHA)
Hey, She enjoyed it! I should really buy that movie.

My Friend Hollis, Ladies and Gentlemen...

H:
ALL THE SINGLE LADIES
ALL THE SINGLE LADIES

H:
what is a Dereon jeans?
is it a brand?


C:
Dereon is Beyonce's line
she does with her mom

H:
hot
somehow seems sleazy to sing about your own jeans line

C:
she fit it in well

H:
probably difficult
evidently they're quite tight

C:
....I meant into the song
wow
you're ridiculous

H:
although on the song scale of tightness
dereon jeans are less tight than men

C:
hahaha

H:
or A man
and given that "tight" used to be a synonym for drunk
we can infer that, in the club where Beyonce is dancing, the men are more alcohol- enhanced than her jeans are, indicating that she is coordinated and tends not to spill her drink on herself.

C:
wowww

H:
Knowles's work can, therefore, be seen as a cautionary admonition to young women everywhere, warning them of the need for cautious and sober social engagements.
In addition, the repeated refrain "If you liked it / then you shoulda put a ring on it" underscores the continued relevance of traditional morals in today's fallen society.
Knowles refuses to spend her life with a man who wants to milk the cow without purchasing; by explaining that he "should put a ring on it", she leads all young women to reject premarital intercourse and shows them that chastity has continued relevance in today's world.
The song's undercurrent of individualism strengthens this theme of traditional values, given that it touts the virtue of "doin' [one's own] little thing" and states that Knowles "couldn't care less what you think".
Moreover, she advises young women to be kind to their beaus, understanding their hormonal impulses: "don't be mad when you see that he wants it". Sexual impulses are normal, but prosecuting them outside the playing field of marriage is a personal foul. Beyonce speaks for all women by recognizing the helplessness men feel toward their sexual natures, but she reiterates that "if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it". This stern, forbidding woman has needs of her own, and she makes it clear that her paramour must jump through hoops (of gold) if he is to win her heart.
Moving through her life with the continuing refrain, Beyonce issues a call to arms to all her handmaidens: although she began with "doing [her] own little thing", she closes with repeated entreaties to "all the single ladies", exhorting them to put their (un-ringed) hands up. Echoing the strains of Lysistrata, she calls the Sisterhood to unite in purity and unity of purpose, rejecting premarital sex and strengthening the bonds of matrimony.

Make it happen

My mom once told me that her favorite thing about me is when I want to do something badly enough, I make it happen.
I've been having trouble saving money the past few months, but now is the time to catch up. Today I opened a Savings account and transferred over $100. I also have Christmas money sitting at home, waiting for a nice account to settle down in. From now on, I'm putting away AT LEAST $300 every month for New York. I have 6-7 months to save. I'm watching what I spend daily on Lunch (I've paid upwards of $10 some days) I try to spend less than $5 a day. I would bring my lunch, but I need to get away from my desk, so something inexpensive at the coffee shop will do. I'm not allowed to just go buy things anymore. I go to target for one thing and end up with 10 a bit too often. What I NEED and only what I NEED. Also, Tax season is coming up, and The government has taken an assload from every paycheck, so all of the tax money (except maybe some money for rollerskates [yes. I am 7.]) will be deposited into savings.
I was laying in bed last night thinking about what my mom told me a few years back. She's right. It's a challenge that I'm ready and want to complete.
I'm getting excited and starting to make things happen.

KissTheGroom

"I would bake a chocolate cake for you with tiers up to the moon..."

Dear 2010

Picture from the "Year in Yes" Calender from Yes and Yes
Dear 2010,
Hello! I know I'm a little late in welcoming you, but better late then never, right?
2009 was a busy year, it had it's good parts and bad parts. I expected a lot out of 2009 but unfortunately it just didn't deliver. I mean, don't get me wrong, 2009 was a decent year. I just don't think we were meant to be.
I know you and I are only about 3 weeks in, but So far, you're not looking as fabulous as I had hoped. I mean, there's definitely potential, but I'm not getting the kind of results I would prefer right now.
So I figure I should just lay it all out on the table and let you know what I expect from you. I know you can't read my mind like I wish you could, so let's just run through how this is gonna go.
2010 will be a year of (in no particular order):
-Happiness
-Learning
-socializing
-loving
-Focus
-dancing
-running
-hard work
-relaxing
-discipline
-video making
-roller skating
-moving
-smiling
-visiting
-bravery
-strength
-Kindness
-Responsibility
-and Magic

I expect every single one of these things out of you.
We're in this together, and if we can't work as a team, you'll go down the exact crazy way that 2009 did. And we don't want that, do we? I know I don't. Let's learn from 2009 and every other year in this lifetime before that.
So take this weekend, get your head together, and really figure it all out. Then we'll give it another go. I have faith that you are THE YEAR.

With lots of Love and adoration,
Cait

TiLT

Anyone recognize this ^???

-Getting organized at work

-Lady Gaga
I've finally come around..She's AWESOME! I can't stop listening to "Telephone" and "teeth" ohhhh dearrr

-No more Wonky heart
It doesn't feel like I'm having a low grade panic attack anymore! Horray!

-My video project
Last night's video wasn't the best...but I said A video every week...not a GOOD video every week! haha :)

-Thinking about my Visit to California in July
Ohh Vidcon I'm so excited for you...and the beach. :)

-The softest Blanket in the world
It's purple and you're jealous. :)

-Sending surprise packages

-Looking at craigslist to try and figure out living situations in NYC in Sept! :)
Probably gonna be a shared 1br or studio or worse comes to worse, shared large room in a shared house...

-Roomies!

-Dance Parties
Random ones are the best!

-Best friends making you laugh til you cry
Even if it is out of pure exhaustion...it's still funny :)

-The fastest Shopping spree ever!
$177 at H&M in less than an hour

-Smiling

I don't wanna think anymore
I left my head and my heart on the dance floor.

I just want to dance in a crowded room to loud music for hours lately.

TiLT

Boy do I need this bit of positivity today!

-2010 Video every week project!:
Last week I started my make a video every week project (here: http://www.youtube.com/MimsieSky) Last week it was a vlog, this week it will be a music video. I'm excited! :) It gives me something to create every week. Feels good.

-Mini Year in yes calender:
I made a mini version of the Year in Yes calender from Yesandyes.org for my desk at work...it's SO CUTE!

-Bunnysoft Blankets:
I bought the world's softest blanket at TJMaxx a few weeks ago, and it has been my savior this week!

-My Teddy Bear:
I have this Indian Teddy bear that is VERY well loved and I've had for YEARS. She usually sits on the side of my bed, but she's been my cuddle buddy this week.

-Clinique Even better lotion:
My mom got this stuff, and I've used it twice and already my skin tone (including acne scars) has evened out! HORRAY!!!

-OK Go "Of the Blue Colour of the sky":
I love these guys and this album is awesome! I especially love their new Marching band video version of "This too shall pass" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJKythlXAIY

-Hope:
When shitty things happen, I find hope. Hope has been my friend lately.

-The ability to smile again: Rough beginning to the week, Today I've been able to smile quite easily. I'm glad :)

Many The Miles

"There's too many things that I haven't done yet
Too many sunsets
I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would've thought by now
I'd have learned something

I made up my mind when I was a young girl
I've been given this one world
I won't worry it away
But now and again I lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in a low light
But then Love comes in

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I'll be happy to follow you Love

I do what I can wherever I end up
To keep giving my good love
And spreading it around
Cause I've had my fair share of take care and goodbyes
I've learned how to cry
And I'm better for that

Sing how far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Send me the miles and I'll be happy to
Follow you Love

Red letter day and I'm in a blue mood
Wishing that blue would just carry me away
I've been talking to God don't know
If it's helping or not
But surely something has got to got to got to give
Cause I can't keep waiting to live

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I'll be happy to yeah
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
Been talking to God don't know if it's helping or not
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
Oh send me the miles and I'll be happy to
Follow you Love

There's too many things I haven't done yet
Too many sunsets I haven't seen"

-Sara Bareilles

Haha ohh dear!

2009 Survey

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Was a Maid of Honor, Worked a job for 7 consecutive months, Played Golf.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Move to California
Eat healthy
Work out more
Find a job

Well the first one I sucked at. but I dropped that one on purpose very soon after I made it. The others I think I did a better job at. I don't think I gained more weight this year than I did last year, so that's a step in the right direction.
And I'm making changes in my life, but not resolutions. It'd just be silly to make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. Thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit?
England :)

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
My own apartment, Focus, a puppy....I don't know.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Well...I don't know the exact dates, but things that happened. Ally and Dan's wedding related stuff...The shower, the bachlorette party, The wedding, The Belfast Party... Going to LI for the No Doubt concert. Best of my life. My first official YouTube gathering. Going to London on my own. This year really was pretty jam-packed!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My happiness, and recognizing the things in my life that had been standing in the way of that. Also my job, my podcast...oh and winning the golf tournament was pretty cool :)

9. What was your biggest failure?
The lack of working out for a while. and lack of video making.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really *knock on wood* a few bumps, scratches, and splinters here and there, but nothing big.

11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
I think my bridesmaid presents were pretty awesome.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ally and Sara of Course! and my parents for putting up with me another year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Same as usual.

14. Where did most of your money go?
The Wedding and Trip to London. But that's all paid back! :)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Paying off my credit card...Meeting a cute boy...

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Last.fm says my top songs of the year were:
(besides the garden state soundtrack because I listened to that on my ipod every night)
1. Circus- Britney Spears
2. Danity Kane- Pretty boy
3. Girls Aloud- Something kinda Ooh
4. Run DMC- Walk this way
5. Dragonette- Fixin to thrill
6. DMB- Everyday
7. Julia Nunes- Pen to paper
8. Julia Nunes- Happy Medium
9. Julia Nunes- First impressions
10. Julia Nunes- Odd

Interesting because the 1st two are on my workout playlist and 3-6 are on my stretch playlist...so I guess if you get rid of those...just a hell of a lot of JuNu! haha

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? The Happier
b) fatter or skinner? a bit skinnier
c) richer or poorer? Well I actually have a job now, so..richer. :)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Video making

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being lazy

20. How do you plan to spend Christmas?
I spent it at home with my parents playing with my Mic and my new DVD player. :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
On my way by the end of it. :)

22. How many one night stands?
Zip!

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Big Bang Theory, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Law and Order (as usual)

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not really. I don't actually HATE anyone...but I've released the less desired people in my life.

25. What was the best book you read?
The Red Book by Sera Beak.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Julia Nunes

27. What did you want and get?
I'm happy with what I did get...I don't know if it was what I wanted. But I'm happy.

28. What did you want and not get?
My own place. But it'll come to me when the universe thinks I'm ready for it. Just like everything else.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
"Up"

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 26 and chilled out at my house. The weekend before I went out with friends :)

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Moving out of my house. Not dealing with Boy crap.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Comfy, Cute in my free time- Business casual boring at work.

33. What kept you sane?
Remembering to breathe and my friends

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Meh...no one really.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
I don't know if there really was one...but the run at all the Gay Marriage laws really upset me.

36. Who do you miss?
Currently? Ally...Denise...Drake
Usually...The boy

37. Who was the best new person you met?
The boy, Sidney, JP, Alex... a lot of YT peeps.

38. What was the best thing you ate?
Geeze I don't even remember! Prolly all the pret a manger I had in London or OH! The dinner at Ally and Dan's wedding was DELISH!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?
Trust your gut. And also how to cut unhealthy people from my life.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Can't really put it all in a single song lyric. too much.

Screw "I'll never..."

Start thinking "I'll Always..."

In a relationship I'll always....



1) Be 100% Trustworthy and Trust 100%

2) Laugh...a lot.

3) Be open. With myself, and to new things.

4) Kiss and Hug as often as I can

5) Share inside jokes

6) Challenge and let myself be challenged

7) Take a joke.

8) Be independent and give independence.

9) Listen. No matter what.

10) Say how I feel even if it's scary.

11) Care about who and what he cares about.

12) Be Thoughtful.

13) Be myself, no matter what part of my self decides to show its' face on that particular day.

14) Compromise.

15) Share.


I can't say I've done all of these in the past,
but I resolve that I will always do these things in the present and future.




(inspired by: http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-girl-talk-instead-of-ill-never-heres-what-ill-always-do-in-a-relationsh/#When:18:30:48Z?eref=RSS)

Oprah is gonna get Pwned!

As per Alan's request I told Oprah she should have John and Hank on the show. Here's what I wrote... (seemed a shame to waste it all on the form)


My life was changed by a pair of brothers.
During the summer of 2007 I started watching videos on a website called Brotherhood 2.0 (Brotherhood2.com). John and Hank Green decided to contact each other without the use of text for an entire year. In the process John and Hank started an internet revolution. I was in my last semester in college, and had lost my identity in a really awful relationship. Watching these two interact reminded me of who I was and what I stood for. Not only were they Nerds, but they were PROUD of being who they were. When I graduated in December, I moved back in with my parents and started my Online life. I was part of a vlogging project modeled after B2.0 and met people from around the world. I also started chatting and interacting with other people. Now because of this, I work for a successful and award winning Record company Co-owned by Hank Green. Every week I produce, record, edit, and broadcast a podcast for the people who have also had their lives changed by these two.
John and Hank started their project so that they can get to know each other better, but have become roll models and leaders of a group of people (known as Nerdfighters) who have gotten to know themselves better. not only this, but they bring light to environmental issues (Hank is a eco technology blogger at ecogeek.com), Current events, literature (John is an award winning Young Adult writer) and encourage others to participate in Charity with their annual PROJECT FOR AWESOME.
Please invite John and Hank on the show to talk about their story. It's fantastic and they're very intelligent and funny guys!
oh and also, they have more subscribers than Oprah on YouTube and were very excited to have "pwned" (or beat) Oprah. :)

TiLT

-Gifting:
Thinking about it, I've gotten lots of gifts for people this year. Struck randomly yesterday to get my parents something ELSE for Christmas made me very happy to shop yesterday. :)

-Christmas Bonus:
I. Love. My. Bosses. I can now pay off my Credit card, buy a new straightener and still have money to put away for NYC next year! Yessss!!!!

-Secret Santa:
My friends on NFI and I do a Secret Santa every year. I opened mine yesterday that came from my friend in Spain and got this: http://dailybooth.com/MimsieSky/2249312 also a MASSIVE YUMMY chocolate bar and a Spanish mixed CD!! It has made the past 24 hours quite lovely!

-Pandora Christmas Playlists:
I Type in "All I want for Christmas is you" and I get the best Christmas Playlist ever! I've been listening for the past 2 days! wee!

-Vlog Plans:
I decided the other day, that I'm going to try and do a weekly vlog for my YouTube channel next year. It will be centered around TilT, but also news and goings on of the week. Still planning it a bit, but I'm excited! :)

-GLITTER:
I know this should be a given every week, but I got some stuff from Sephora in the mail the other day and it includes a silver glitter pot and some Glittery nail polish That's blue, Purple, and Red!! It's SOO PRETTYYY!!! I was so happy to get this package! haha

-Plotting for next year:
Lots happening next year. Planning things little by little and starting to get excited. :)

What I need...

I feel like what I need right now, is a warm breeze and a hammock.

Things I Love Thursday!

-Amazing weekends:
Cuteboy, Best Friends, Drinks, Sushi, Cupcakes, Dancing, Free dinner at my favorite restaurant, and 2 nights in my very own HUGE AND COMFY hotel room with an amazing boy!

-YouTube Gatherings:
Last week I mentioned VidCon (www.vidcon2010.com) and then Monday I got a Mini gathering in NYC with 9 other YouTubers. It was well worth the 8 hours of travel! Love my Internet peeps!

-BEST ONLINE RECORD LABEL AWARD!!:
DFTBA Records, the tiny Label I work for, just won Best Online Record Label from Mashable.com!!! Um…We were up against 50 Cent’s Label!!! YESSSSS!!! Love Love Love

-Planning a ‘Me’ Day for my 26th Birthday:
Moved the party to the weekend before, so now I have to make plans for spending my B-day on my own. So far plans are a Pixar Mini Marathon featuring “Monsters Inc.” “Finding Nemo” and “Wall-E”, My favorite kinds of food from Local shops/restaurants, and of course a fun soundtrack all day long. :)

-Cuteboy:
Even though I get frustrated a lot with the whole situation, I’m really learning to let myself go with someone again. It feels really good to have that after being single and too scared for 2 years. He makes me smile so much!

-Catching up on sleep and reading:
Work has been Chaos lately. I’m excited to catch up this weekend and over Christmas and new years. Hopefully it’ll all calm down with 2010.

Yes it is.

Colormekristen gives me distractions (& hugs)

Alphabet Survey meme thing...

A
- Available: In Theory yes...but not really.
- Age: 25 (26 in a month! eep!)
- Annoyances: Cockiness, Slow drivers, dirty fingernails.
- Afternoons or mornings: Afternoons...if I had it my way, I'd never see mornings.

B
- Best Friend: Ally and Sara...then Eric haha
- Beer: Yuck.
- Birthday: December 20th
- Best month: May, June, July, September...and I guess Maybe December...but not for the weather.
- Best day: Saturdays...Thursdays are also pretty cool.

C
- Crush: I haz one.
- Candy: Chocolate, Caramel, Nougat stuff...Things with Peanut butter...and NERDS(Ropes)!
- Colour: Blue, Purple, Green
- Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends on my mood.
- Criminal Record: zip.

D
- Day or Night: Night!
- Dream Vehicle: Mini Cooper
- Dream: To be happy and enjoy life :)

E
- Easiest Person To Talk To: Sara I think...
- Eggs: Easy over medium with rye toast, plz thx.
- End of the line: kinda sucks, unless there's like 3 people.

F
- First Crush: Is a massive Douchbag and I recall him being nice to me once. in 3rd grade.
- Fuck vs Feck: FUCK!!
- Fave piece of clothing: Comfy pants or a hoodie :)
- Fave song atm: I really like "Fireflies" by Owl City also The Asteroids Galaxy Tour is pretty cool :)
- Future: Work another 9ish months, Move to NYC, Go to school for Audio engineering...then hopefully acquire a job in the field! Dunno after that.

G
- Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Gummy Worms!! :)
- Giver or Taker: I'm a giver...but if someone gives to me, I'm happy to be a taker! :)
- Greatest moment in life: Figuring out I am where I'm supposed to be at that moment.
- Gold or Silver: Silver! :)

H
- Hair: Dyed blond and straightened... it's a pain in the ass.
- Happy: What I want to be always. :)
- Hat: I like them, but don't wear them often...
- Hugs: Horray! :)

I
- Ice Cream: Ben and Jerry's is usually a safe bet...or Edy's! YUM!
- Instrument: Voice! :)
- Is there anything you would tell yourself 3 years ago: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THE IS HOLY DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM!!!!!!
- Invisible for a Day: Might be interesting...but only if I could teleport...otherwise it's pretty useless here.

J
- Jewellry : 3 rings, small hoop earrings, and a necklace...every day.
- Job: Receptionist/Admin. Assistant. Not bad...for now.
- Jeans: The dark blue ones that I'm wearing now. :)

K
- Kids: 2 or 3 at some point...possibly in 5-10 years...depending on the circumstances
- King for the day: I'd declare my birthday national bear hug day. (Oh! good idea Kristen!)

L
- Lie ins: PLEASE!! My favorite thing. :)
- Longest Car Ride: Rode with my family to Colorado and back when I was 11
- Life: Is pretty decent.

M
- Milk Flavor: Chocolate?
- Music: All Kinds and lots of it!

N
- Number Of Siblings: 1
- Number : 20
- Note to self: Don't forget to get those things done later....


O
- One Wish: That I could actually save a good amount of money in the next year...
- One Phobia: falling
- One song: can't do it.
- One love: Let's get together and feeeel allllright!

P
- Part Of Your Personality That You Like: I'm fun :)
- Physical Feature on yourself you like: My smile...and my hair (even if it's a pain in the ass)
- Physical Feature on opposite sex you like: For some reason I really like noses... also eyes and hair..but noses...yeah.

Q
- Quick or Slow: depending
- Queen for the day: I'd buy a really awesome wardrobe and declare every Monday Hug day! :)

R
Reason 2 Smile: Today is my friday...I have my 1st official personal day off tomorrow!
Reason 2 Cry: I wish we could be closer.
Rolos vs Refreshers: OMG. I LOVE ROLOS...

S
Song You Last Heard: Something on the radio...not sure what though.
Song You Are Hearing: People talking and some beeping...also me typing.

T
- Tattoo: Still contemplating a star on my wrist or hip...still kinda chicken
- Time Now: 10:01am
- Time For Bed: Lately between the hours of 11&1...too late.
- Time of Birth: I think it was like 7:30ish in the am...
- Treat: Brownies...cupcakes...cheesecake...oh man.

U
- Useless: my left hand.
- Unusual: Me, behind closed doors...
- Umbrella or hood: Depends on how hard it's raining.

V
- Vegetable You Hate: Raw Onion, Brussel Sprouts
- Vegetable You Love: Spinach, Carrots, Avacados
- Vertigo: Kinda scares me a little.

W
- Worst Habits: I'm kinda messy
- Worst Day: I've had a few pretty awful ones.
- Worst Person: I don't really associate with people that would qualify
- Worst thing you own: Why would I own it?
- Why?: Do you only ask "worsts" for W??

X
- X-Rays: Are pretty cool, but I haven't had one in ages.
- Xylophone: Sound pretty when played correctly :)

Y
- Year It Is Now: 2009
- Yellow: Some shades of it a pretty awesome :)

Z
- Zoo Animal: Hippos!
- Zodiac Sign: Sagg/Capricorn Cusp...but Technically Sagg. :)

Close your eyes

Playlist meant to be consumed with headphones and closed eyes.
(in no particular order)

1)Faust Arp- Radiohead
2)Fingertips- Emiliana Torrini
3)Keep Breathing- Ingrid Michaelson
4)In the Waiting Line- Zero 7
5)Stars- The Weepies
6)Bedshaped- Keane
7)Lullaby- Newton Faulkner
8)Lullaby- Josh Groban Feat. Ladysmith Black Mambazo
9)Fix You- Coldplay
10)Biko- Peter Gabriel
11)Chocolate- Snow Patrol
12)Autumn- Paolo Nutini
13) #3- Matt Pond
14)Fireflies- Owl City
15)Spitting Games- Snow Patrol
16)Stay Positive- The Streets
17)Hide and Seek- Imogen Heap
18)Wait- Alexi Murdoch
19)Lengthwise- Phish
20)Let Go- Frou Frou
21)Neon- John Mayer
22)Hamburg Song- Keane
23)Brothers on a Hotel Bed- Death Cab for Cutie
24)Now and Always- David Gray
25)15 step- Radiohead
26) You could be Happy- Snow Patrol
27)Undisclosed Desires- Muse
28)Teardrops- Massive Attack
29)New Slang- The Shins
30)Kissing you- Des'ree

Yup.

:)

I know that i know nothing

I've been back from England for just over a week.
It was a good trip that I got a lot out of.
1) He and I are totally done. nothing unfinished nothing there but a good friend.
2) It's just not worth it to me.
3) Home was home back then.
4) Look forward.

Why spend all that time and money and stress trying to get myself to somewhere that was home for me once, but not quite so anymore. The whole time I was there, I just wanted to be here. Maybe it's a "grass is greener..." kinda thing? sort of?
I do feel more at home here, and not as ashamed of my country as I was 4 years ago. I feel like there is something here for me, now.
Though saying that I'm back to what I'm going to end up doing. School in NYC seems most likely. but now I have to decide, 1 year or 2? Certificate or Masters? A lot of money or a Ton of money? Where to after that?
I have absolutely no idea. But somehow, don't feel rushed right now to figure it all out.

This weekend I went up to Potsdam, and it was really nice. I hadn't seen Pat in very close to 3 weeks. We hung out, at pizza, watched Always sunny in Philadelphia and Futurama, Had lunch with 1 of his friends who was in town, napped, played on our computers, showed off pictures from our recent trips, Shared silly videos of friends, listened to music, ate yummy things, and Played with the insane cat. A nice weekend. I'm excited for another at some point.
I also realized that I had something else on my "Work on Cait" list. Which I had never really thought about, but now that I've recognized it, I shall hopefully fix that like all the other crap I've been working on for the past 2 years. haha
My Sunday night was quite gloomy though... it may have been the lack of sleep.. or my remembering the suckage of the situation.
But I'm back to work, and things are okay.
All is well.
Sleep, eat, work, repeat.

Occupation

A while back someone remarked on how many jobs I've held in my 25 years I just started listing them in my head and needed to see it written out.
so here we go:

1999-Present

Lifeguard
Sales Associate- Record Town
Kiddie Rides Operator- Six Flags
Summer Camp Counselor
Sales Associate- FYE (formerly Record Town)
Day Care Assistant
Shop Girl- Miss Selfridge
Assistant Manager- Onara
Day Camp Counselor
Web Director- WFNP The Edge
Web Coordinator- WNPC TV
Usher- Saratoga Race Track
Traffic Director- WFNP The Edge
Sales Associate- Forever 21
Promotional Team Member- Clear Channel Radio Poughkeepsie
Transcriptionist
Promotional Team Member- Fly92
Production Assistant- ESPN
Office Manager
Podcast Host
Cocktail Waitress
Receptionist/Admin. Assistant

Jobs left out/ Reason:
Steve and Barry (sales)/ Worked @ 1 day
Admin Assist. @ plumbing and heating co./ Worked total of 14 hrs.


Wow. That is way more than I feel like it should be!
Some of those jobs I held at the same time, and some of them I had for a while... Crazy stuff! that's all my jobs in 10 years!!

Love this...

The Universe is my homeboy

I'm so happy that this year I'm really learning to go with things.
That I'm learning to hear what is going on around me.
though I'm not liking these little unsure periods in my life lately.
Since my last entry, the idea of NYC has been growing on me. Really. I'm barely thinking about London. it's SO WEIRD.
I'm excited that I'm going to London in a little over 3 weeks, but I'm not thinking about it constantly like I thought I would be.
And maybe it's just this week or the past few days.
Maybe it's because I'm a little bummed about the money thing for school and I'm just starting to come around to being able to actually afford going someplace without all the ridiculous hassle.
There is also someone that is showing up in my life that is interesting to me. I've managed thus far to think of all new guys that I've met as just a friend or whatever, but this one is different. I'm curious about him. very curious.
and out of my curiosity today I found that the universe and stars say that we could probably be really good. which leads me to be even MORE curious.
At the same time I'm still cautious, as I've learned to be.
But I'm following what direction I'm being pointed in, and listening to what is going on around me. Even though at the moment I'm majorly in Limbo and feeling a bit confused, I'm still feeling fairly happy and content with how things are.
I guess it's just more thinking and seeing how things are when I get back from London. Though no decisions need to be made about anything right now, I have a while. and for someone that needs to know what is going to happen, it's kinda strange. but I'm feeling quite okay with that right now.
We'll just see what October has in store. The forecast is for an interesting month. :)

The concept of Home

The past few days I've been doing more school research.
My upcoming trip will include a visit to a school that I've been drooling over for the past 7 months (Alchemea). Yesterday, I decided that I would also visit it's competitor. It's competitor (SAE Institute) has schools all over the world. It's pretty well known. While searching around their site, I looked up what schools were available in the US. Lo and Behold there is one in NYC. So I start planning a backup. There is also this really cool place called "dubspot" that I randomly found out about on Facebook. It's basically a DJ school. It looks like a neat place. Also in NYC. If things didn't work out they way I'd like for London, I'd probably head to NYC. That's always been the backup in my mind, I was just never sure of the school thing.
So that lead me to today, researching Alchemea more. Then re-reading the visa stuff and discovering that I have to have the funds in my bank account in order to get my Visa at the time of application.... months before I would start. #Plancrashburn I'm not sure if the financial stuff for SAE London is the same as Alchemea...but if it is, again... #Plancrashburn
So now I'm left coming to terms with the NYC plan.
ugh.
1) Expensive school...more so than Alchemea even with the exchange.
2) Expensive living...I searched for Studios, cheapest I found was $1400. Ick.
3) I'm not all that crazy about the idea of living in NYC. I love visiting, but I always enjoy the fact that I can go home at the end of the day.
4) I don't really have a whole lot of friends down that way. I mean, I do, but not that I'm in constant touch with.
5) I don't feel a sense of "ME" there. And maybe that's just because I haven't lived there before, but it doesn't seem to fit right.

The only upside of the whole situation is I don't have to deal with Visa crap and they accept Sallie Mae loans. Also, I'll still be close to my Best friends, who I would feel devastatingly sad to have to leave.

The big thing about the 2 choices is the feeling of where I belong. I feel deep down that I BELONG in London. I feel like I fit there. I've been to NYC a million times and I still just feel like I'm visiting.
I can see myself carving out a good life in London...
I can see myself continuing along the same path I'm on in NYC.

I guess all I can do at this point is take a tour of both places, see how London feels 4 years later, and then, if things are working positively, figure it all out.
if not, then I know I have another route.

Running as fast as we can...

It's funny how when you exercise your mind clears and works better.
not necessarily all the time, because you exercise, but WHILE you are. I've had so many personal epiphanies while I've run it's ridiculous.
This morning I was running and a song came on that I've heard and sang along with a MILLION times, and I got it.

"That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa."

It's good to know I'm not the only one. haha

Do exercise epiphanies happen to anyone else?

Smart Lady

I was texting with Ally the other day, and she gave me this quote:

"I like to look forward to the future & never to the past- life is up and down- what can you do?" -Donatella Versace

Maybe I could just do what would make me happy and just trust in fate.
Maybe I should trust myself a little more than I have, and remember what I'm doing.

MEGA BUDGET

After thinking I might not have to pay for my flight on my trip to London in 2 months (hopefully), and finding out that wasn't happening, I felt better getting organized and knowing what I have to do to make the trip happen. Here's how it panned out:

(Financial Info is Censored, All totals and exchange rates are Approx)

Idea

I'm thinking about doing a series of Cover songs on my YT... a random thought that came to me while I was getting ready for work the other day and has stuck in my brain ever since....
I'm gonna call them the Ex-Files (original I know)...
but songs remind me of people and places, especially people I've been in relationships with so my idea is to do a video that reminds me of the beginning and the end of every relationship I've had. I'm not gonna match them up, just do them in random order there will be probably 8 songs. Possibly 10 if I can think of some songs for one... I have to put some thought and remembering into it. then people can guess which ones go with eachother.... so it'll be like something for me AND my subscribers! and it'll get me making videos...though I'm still a little worried about the whole, looking the same aspect. I'll have to try to make each one a bit different.
What do you think?

Music

Great title, eh? Thought of it myself.

I have been thinking a lot recently about Music in my life. What role it has taken and what role I want it to take.
Music, in my life has been a way of venting. When I'm sad or upset about something, I turn to a song that either has the right melody for me to get my energy out or the right lyrics to relate to and realize that I'm not alone in what I was feeling. Also to express how I was feeling to other people (seriously, I used to write out song lyrics and slide them under my parent's door when I was upset with them). or if I'm happy or lovey or goofy or mellow, the appropriate song has been right there with me. I've always taken a very reactionary and interpretive role with music. Even on my YouTube, it's my interpretations of a song that someone else wrote.
As much as I've taken this role, this is not necessarily the role that I want.
Every so often I get pumped up enough to try to write something of my own, but whatever I come up with is laden with cliches and similes, one right after the other. I get frustrated, and come up with the conclusion that I just can't do it. wait a few months, or a year, repeat.
I try to learn an instrument...I took Piano lessons for 5 years and then a semester in College... what do I retain from that? a very rudimentary version of "ode to joy". Piano combined with 10 years of Flute lessons did teach me to read and understand music. I know what sheet music says. Even then, I'm a horrible sight reader and often learn things slowly and memorize them and then speed it up. I struggled with Flute for all 10 years because of this (last chair in band!).
I'm still surprised to this day that I have a degree in music. Sure I excelled at the performance part, but trying other instruments and the theory...how did I get through that?! Recently, when I've tried to learn guitar, it's incredibly difficult for me to read the music, so I memorize what I'm given. and I can't seem to keep up with it. I go for a month or so and then for some reason stop. Stop lessons, stop practicing...
There have been a few times when I wrote something that I liked... In my last stage of Theory, we used Sibelius and I wrote a few classical pieces that were decent (nothing compared to the amazingness of some of my classmates though) and I took a few Music Classes at New Paltz where we had to write some lyrics for a traditional Blues song. I did this for 3 different classes I think, and the ones I wrote for the last 2 were pretty good. I was proud. I even recorded it to hand in with the lyrics. but that's as far as I've ever gotten.
Lately, I've been hearing things that are a bit motivating but I've been kind of brushing them aside.
When I sing in BlogTV after DFTBA radio, people really enjoy it and one day someone I respect musically and as a person (of course) said that I was "really going places". and the other day I got a very nice e-mail (I don't get many) and the guy said I was either having fun doing what I was doing, or I'm poised for something big. and there have been a few instances when people tell me "when You're rich a famous" rich and famous for what?! I feel like if only I could just write SOMETHING be able to play my own stuff....maybe they would be right. and it's one of the most frustrating feelings in the world. I just never know where to start.
Also, I've been dying to collaborate with people...if I can't do my own stuff, I'd love to help other people with theirs. There is one possibly in the works, but I haven't heard anything about it in a few weeks, so I don't know what's going on with that. Maybe the vast majority of people don't like my voice...that's okay...but it doesn't seem like that's the case. Maybe people don't recognize me as a serious musician because I don't play an instrument or create my own stuff. I don't know.
I want to know how to do these things that come so easy to so many people, but it just never works...I don't want to fail at it again.

It's the loneliest number since the number one

I can't be in a relationship right now

-I live with my parents. At this point in my life it's difficult to have the kind of relationship like I've been having when I have to answer to someone.
-I have something I need to see about...
-I'm moving within the next year and I know firsthand that boys tend to change plans.

Knowing all of that it's hard when I'd actually like to be in one. I miss holding hands, kissing, dancing, cuddling, and most of all someone to talk to about everything and someone to go places with.

Lately it's been difficult. It seems everywhere I turn another one of my friends is getting married, and my single friends seem to be pairing off. I don't mind listening to their stories or letting them have their time...I don't even mind spending time with them as a couple, if I get along with both. But there are times when there is a glaring question sitting in my brain... WHY NOT ME?! But my only answer to that would be, it's just not my turn yet.

I've had too many relationships that started out as "not serious" and ended up a year or so later not knowing what happened, and trying to figure out what was next. Mostly because all of my previously formed plans had gone down the drain. Moving places, doing things, setting goals, all gone because of one person.

And I can't just go out and "date" people...
I'm an attachment whore.
A relationship junkie.
I need familiarity of some sort.
Plus I've never actually been taken out on an actual date...Something that at 25 I feel weird saying. (though I know it's probably not uncommon because of the courtship "norms" of today)

It's a strange reality to have. not being able to be in a relationship.
I don't have the problems that a lot of people face...
There is nothing wrong with me.
I'm a level headed, fun to be around, mildly attractive, clean, healthy human being... but I know I couldn't, even if the opportunity arose, date someone at this point in my life.
I'd rather not put another in the "Disaster" category of my "how did that go?" list.

and this blog was written to try to remind and convince myself of that.

Just keep swimming.

Wallflower syndrome

I swear I suffer from some kind of social block that causes me awkwardness, Anxiety, paranoia, and bitterness...
Let me explain.
I have this insane idea that the "cool kids" category still exists even when I'm not in High School anymore.
Even in high school this didn't bother me a whole lot, mostly because I didn't really like many of the "cool kids", and often times was on a friendly basis with those I did like. But many of those "cool Kids" I was very good friends with at one time or another and I was abandoned when we entered Middle School, for new friends. I understand that this happens, but I still don't understand how they just ditched me. Is that bad that I still think about that sometimes? Like...why was it Me that was left behind?
ANYWAY, flash forward to present time. Thinking about it, I've never been someone that everyone wants to be best friends with. I'm not someone that people talk about (in a good way), and I'm not someone that everyone seems to want to be around or talk to.
I often find myself in situations where I could either be really outgoing, but fail miserably. I suddenly become overcome with this feeling that I'm not good enough to be socializing with those people I happen to be with. This usually happens when it's a group of people. But then there are times when I meet someone and get to know them a bit and enjoy them as a person, and when I think about it, if circumstances were never the way they are, they would probably never give me the time of day...but I try, and then I get the feeling that I'm being judged when I start to let them get to know me.
Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm right I don't know.
and Maybe I'm just shooting myself in the foot with preconceived notions of the "cool Kids" and my background with them.
Socially I can be a very outgoing, talkative, and enjoyable person to be around, but for some reason a lot of people don't get the chance to see that, and I miss out on enjoying other people.
This has turned into more rambling than it was meant...I just don't know if I'm the only one who has this "cool kids" issue. But I've been noticing lately that it's a bit of a problem in my life.

Will/When/am

At work, not much to do today. it's pretty quiet around here...
I started looking up info on the school I want to go to next year. Every time I look at the site, I just get more excited and determined to go.
Their Live sound program is launching tonight at the venue "the Fridge" in Brixton. all the info is up about what the course entails and it's just amazing. I get a big goofy smile on my face when I read about all of this stuff.
The money issue, well, I've come to terms with the whole Loan thing. But it's what I want and this is what I have to do to make it happen. it won't be so much...I am hoping the exchange rate lowers a bit though. it used to be 17-18,000 to go, now it's up in the 20's..eep! I think it'll be better by next year. I hope. but yeah, I should be able to save up a decent chunk of money in the next year.
I've started to use the phrase "when I go to London" and "I am going to school next year" and "I will do this". I visualize at least once a week. I also research cost of living. I can get a decent room there for not very much at all, which makes things optimistic. :)
My trip is getting closer and closer. I'm going to ask for time off next month, and my boss is someone that would let me take a week to go overseas. He loves to travel and I know he would understand. I was talking about it last night with a girl I work with and she was pretty sure he'd give me the time off if I asked. Flights are decently priced, I just have to figure out where to leave from. Albany or Newark, Albany is obviously much easier, but it's more expensive and I can't connect to virgin, which I love and would prefer to travel on. But Newark is a pain in the ass to get to and would probably have to lose a day or leave work a few hours early to drive my rickety car 3 hours into Jersey, which I'm not thrilled about. Maybe someone will be willing to drive me...I can only hope. haha
Right now I just have to stay positive and work to save up the money.
This. Will. Happen.

The Tutu Incident

So last week I opened my big mouth on DFTBA radio and told everyone that I was going to wear a Tutu to the 789 gathering in NYC. Oh man. So I thought okay, I have instructions to make one, cool! no problem! Then I got to reading instructions more and learning more about the material, and figured that I would get some really cool blue shade of taffeta the next time I went to the city within the next few weeks. but then I got thinking that I wanted to make a pettiskirt because that was more of what I talked about ages ago...but after looking into it I found out that those involve upwards of 40 yards of fabric! HOLY MOTHER! so last night I did some research and found some fairly priced ones online. (some places sell them for over $100...this place has some cute ones for $60) so I decided on a color and tried to play around with Polyvore to make an outfit. This is the skirt I was thinking about:



but the more I tried to find something the more it didn't fit and the more I got frustrated and started feeling more and more like maybe I shouldn't. I'm going to my first gathering, where people just come in their street clothes to hang out and meet other people. I don't want to be the center of attention or even look like I'm trying to be. I wouldn't wear it again (I had hope to wear it to the No Doubt Concert 2 weeks before as well) and as much as I would love to prance around in it, it's just not something I would wear out. so frustrated, I went to sleep.

This morning I got up with a clear head and thought about my original idea. I like it. I can make it. it could be really cute, and it would look like something I bought at a store instead of a costumer's. So here's what i figure:



I'm going to make something like this with a bright blue taffeta and just wear a plain black t-shirt or tank with it. much less "HI I'M HERE TALK TO ME!" and more "Hi! I'm fun! Come Play!" which is a lot more like my personality.
It'll be ruffly and colorful and cute and I won't feel weird wearing it! :) Problem solved. I think I will also acquire an inexpensive sewing machine to put it together. I mean, I could do it by hand, but it'll probably be easier if I don't. haha
So yeah, problem solved. now I just have the issue of making it...WISH ME LUCK! haha

The best advice ends with movie plots

fallofautumndistro 2:25 PM
I would probably tell him, worse that could happen is he laughs at you and you're hurt for three or four days and then you move on and find someone awesome to spend your time with. best that could happen is he feels the same way and they write a movie about it and Meg Ryan plays you and Tom Hanks plays him and you earn phat royalty checks for life.


<3

Frustration

I hate wondering if he ever thinks about me
I hate the constant scenarios running through my brain
I hate going back to that place that I've had to block out for 3.5 years
I hate letting myself think that it could work
I hate knowing that I might be setting myself up for sadness...again.
I hate wanting to say something and not being able to
I hate hoping that it won't be too late
I hate that we barely talk anymore, which makes this more of a mystery
I hate when I read his words over and over again...analyzing. every. one.
I hate being crazy over this.

I have to find some kind of middle ground. Like I had a few months ago. I just need to know either way, and hope for the best, either way. But I keep asking "What if?" more and more.
I like to think that I'm more sane than this. I like to think that I'm more mature than this. and I think I am.
But he's definitely one of my weaknesses.
and I don't know how to keep going like I have been, feeling like this.
How did I do it for 3.5 years?
Rawr.

Home

When I let myself remember, I remember this:


- Climbing through the kitchen window to sit on the roof and eat.
- Taking long walks to get to where we needed to be.
- Sitting at the airport watching the "I'm still in Love" video by Sean Paul
- squeezing through the crowds at the phoenix
- Sitting on Nelson's Column looking at the clock face glowing down the road.
- Drinking apricot soda and eating noodles on a bench next to strangers.
- walking through the massive park trying to find that statue.
- Sitting next to you in that legendary venue that has been written about in songs.
- wandering through the markets experiencing all the colors and shapes and different people
- Laughing with the girls even though we were all miserable.
- Walking down that street barefoot...in December.
- Sitting in the top and front speeding through the streets.
- Escaping from the madness behind the scenes to get marriage proposals and furry vests
- deciding what play to get into cheaply that week
- Waiting for the bus on a quiet night.
- Staring at our reflection on the tube, and smiling.
- Wandering from one square, to one park, to another circus, and back.
- grocery shopping
- walking down the high street on a sunny weekend
- giggling at the street performers and dancing to the buskers
- Walking along the river
-Catching trains and exploring other places.

I miss home.

New Song

I spent a good 4-5 hours working on a new song for my channel tonight. it's pretty awesome. not as good as it could be if It was in my actual range...haha but it's good. :)
I'm excited to make the video because I'll be doing something I've never done. hopefully I can do it in good time!
Here's a screen shot of what the final project looks like. I LOVE IT! Audio editing is so fun! XD

Catching up

Lately I've been playing catch up.
Yesterday I sat and watched all the videos in my subscription box...except for those that YouTube apparently wants me to watch again.
Then I went through my Google reader with over 200 posts to read/look at.
I just went through my bookmarked blogs.
So much happens on the internet when you don't pay attention or get lazy.

I'm at uncommon grounds again. I finished editing the show for this week at like 2am last night, so I came here to put together the video and finished it in record time. Now nothing to get done until Wednesday night when I may or may not be broadcasting it live.
There is something about sitting in a coffee house listening to Acoustic guitar that just gets me. It feels like home, Since I spent so much time at Open Mics growing up. Coffee house + Acoustic Guitar= Comfortably familiar. Plus it's rainy out today, so it feels all the more cozy.

A little while ago I received a text message from Nick (my last serious BF) alerting me to the fact that my old Roommate was currently in the same room as me *shutter*. (he works here, she was getting lunch I assume) and he came over and sat down to chat for a bit.
it's always so strange talking to him now. We used to be BEST friends. Now I barely feel like I know him. it's not really awkward or anything, just different, and since I don't see him often I'm not used to how things are now. I'd like to spend some time with him before I move away. I want my friend back.

Yesterday I decided on the first song I'm going to cover on my channel with my guitar. It's a tough song for me. I actually haven't listened to it in almost 4 years. Yesterday I took a deep breath and pushed play. I forgot how much I loved it, and how it's kind of a bit more perfect than it used to be. Kind of. So I'll have to get working on that. Maybe today.

This past weekend was full of fun activities with Kristen. It was nice to have her around. we always have fun. We went to the bead store and made bracelets ("LET'S MAKE JEWELRY!!"). I'm kind of in love with mine. I might make another at some point. it's a navy blue silk ribbon that wraps around my wrist and has silver charms on it (a Lotus Flower, A Celtic Knot, A Piece of Eight [it means I'm a pirate], a Pegasus, a crown, a water lily, and a little oval that says "imagine" on one side with stars on the other) and then there are little spacer type things. Awesome. I'm gonna rock it as much as possible. We also ran around the area and ate junk food. always a good time.

I have a job now...and I'm hoping to hear from another place that I interviewed at last week. Both Part time. Not what I wanted, but it's something. I'm nervous about the job I definitely have, it's cocktail waitressing. I've never waitressed in my life and I guess I'm gonna be the only one on the floor. So I think I might be starting that this weekend, maybe next. I just have to be confident and do my best. Lucky I got it though. I'm gonna be out of money after I pay my bill sometime in the next week. haha wahoo!

So that's new. just wanted to get that all out on this thing. I feel bad for neglecting it so much. This is the blog I've had the longest. <3 Blogger

Oh Hai there, No Doubt!
Looks like we have a date this summer! I'm sure it will be worth the wait! XD
Can't wait to see you!
<3 Cait

More Motivation

I spent the evening listening to Barenaked Ladies and Making this:

I really love this...
I made it to put in my dry-erase board frame, which I hung up next to my door.
This one feels right to me.

hmm

"I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you"
-Colin Hay

Maybe I will...

ColorMeKristen- "Hi, my name is Caitlin, I go to school in London
and i work at the ministry of sound
and I'm originally from New York
sounds like a girl i want to be friends with"

Sounds like a girl I want to be....

Rethinking what exactly it is that I want to do with my life.
sometimes it scares me.
...and sometimes it excites me to no end. :)

Stuff and stuff

Sooo....
Things are kinda....up in the air right now.
I still don't have a job, and my fingers are crossed tightly for this interview I have with the public radio station on Thursday. It's a new media/Audio assistant position. I really would like to have this job, however...it could mean being here for another 10 months to a year to make it look decent on my resume...because it's related to what I want to do.
but that's gonna make some people angry.
There isn't much I can do.
I have to pay my taxes from last year, I have to get a car, I have to deal with the duties of a maid of honor (not that i'm complaining, but it costs $), and I have to save up to be able to live for a few months.
I, as well as the rest of the world, I'm sure, am really upset that the economy sucks so badly right now. I'm not where I want to be at this point in my life. I mean, I'm at the age where I'm supposed to go out and see the world and enjoy life, but the most I do is see out my window and enjoy the warmth of my bed...when it's warm.
I'm starting to subconsciously rethink going to school again. it's expensive, and I'll have to get a loan, that I can't afford. I know it'll help me do what I want, but what if I could get there without it?
I don't know. My mom is really getting to me lately. every time something negative about CA is on the news she finds it necessary to repeat it back to me, and questions the school I have chosen. I find myself arguing my plans on a daily basis. I'm really tired of it. I don't know how I'm gonna deal with another 10-12 months in this house. I wish I could move out for a little while and still be able to save enough money.
it's so frustrating. this whole thing. I feel like I'm never gonna get out of here. and if I do, all my plans are all gonna change.
but I guess whatever happens...happens...
I just gave myself the worst headache. :(

YouTube Survey thing

Taken from Alan! :)

Username: MimsieSky

Why did you pick it?: Because my parents nicknamed me Mimsie when I was little. it's from the Jabberwocky by Lewis Carol. and I was at camp at the time and I enjoy the sky, so I added it. it sounded snappy.

Who did you first subscribe to?: I think my friend Emily (EmilyXCanty)

Who did you most recently subscribe to?: ChrisonTV88 (I don't know why I didn't sub sooner...) and OMGMhazzRocks.

What does your last channel message say?: *Glitterized*- SlipFlip Benny from this year's NFI. it was a joke from my blogTV show.

Do you have any goals?: To get more songs up and hopefully hit 1000 subs this year. I'm just over 260 now.

What was the last thing you bought?: um...gas...and a shirt to wear to a job interview.

Describe the person who posted this using one line?: Alan is awesome. One of the nicest most helpful people I've met on the interwebs. :)

Are you excited about anything?: I'm excited for more DFTBA Radio and I'm excited to go to my first real gathering this summer!

Do you have a crush? not really.

Have you ever been drunk?: too many times to count...but not recently.

Who was the first Youtuber you met in real life?: Besides IRL friends who have a channel, Mike (Ajaxthegoat) and then drakesizzle and Writer07 Then Toddly00, Mongoos150, and neechers all at the same time!

Who was the last Youtuber you met in real life?: Well I guess in time order, it would be Nikki or a massive amount of Nerdfighters at the Paper Towns book release party.

Do you prefer day or night?: Night. Although I do like day if it's warm and sunny.

Are you a member of any collab channels?: I guess I still am. Last year every week as part of NFI this year every 5th week as part of NFI.

Do you have a secret account?: MimsieDidIt...it's not really secret, I just post silly video responses with it.

Do you believe in God?: Plural, yes.

Which youtuber do you talk to the most?: As of late, probably Todd and Kristen.

Which Youtuber do you think makes the best videos?: oh geeze I don't know. There are so many people who's videos I enjoyed.

You may only subscribe to 5 channels and only watch their videos. who will they be?: 1) NFInternational 2)VlogBrothers 3)Jaaaaaaa (Julia Nunes) 4)Michael Aranda 5)PriscillaAndPathos (but only if they posted more often, they are hilarious)

Are you in a relationship?: nope.

Would you date a smoker?: I dated a guy who started smoking while we were dating...I made him brush his teeth constantly. but I prefer not to date smokers.

Where is your favourite place?: London and my bed.

Are you a happy person?: A good portion of the time, yes.

Would you kiss the person who posted this?: I don't know if there is some policy against that in this particular workplace...I wonder...

What would you take to the desert island? Ohh and iPhone just like Alan said. quite possibly one of the best inventions ever. or my lappy.

Do you prefer sun or snow?: Sun and a warm breeze. best thing ever.

Who did you last speak to on the phone? I think Todd...

Who did you last text?: Nick.

What are you doing tomorrow?: Not sure yet...but I'm going to dinner and to see "he's just not that into you."

What is your favorite flavor of potato chips?: BBQ

What size are your feet?: 10 Women's 8 Men's!

What do you want?: A full time job please.

What do you need?: A Full time job please.

What do you remember?: Too much and too little all at once.

What do you wish?: That I had enough money to get a car and move now instead of sometime later this year.

END.

Things are changing

I'm taking part in Gala Darling's Transformation Challenge.
I'm going to be much more conscious about what I eat for the next 30 days.
and I'm cutting down on my sugar intake.
as well as keeping up the running thing and adding in Kickboxing and Yoga as much as I can.

It just occured to me...

That I haven't written on this thing in a long time. so here's an update! :)
I had a good Christmas and a mediocre birthday.
My b-day came first, and I had planned to hit the town with my friends and stay in a suite at a brand new hotel downtown...but then the snowstorm hit. I pulled to be going out the whole day, until my mom got home and basically told me I HAD to stay home. It was sad calling everyone and telling them plans were canceled. but I stayed in and drank champagne and watched batman with my parents. Then on my actual b-day I hung out most of the day...watching the snow still falling. Ally came over and my parents took us out to dinner at my favorite fancy place downtown. We had heated seats and I drank an appletini. (nod to scrubs.) Then Ally got snowed in at my house for another day. when we got another storm. wahoo.
Christmas was a bit better. I got stuff I wanted...Like a brand new Cardioid condenser Mic of the USB variety. it's so pretty. it matches my computer and makes me happy. it sounds amazing too. Now I should get a boom stand with a shock mount and a pop screen and I'll be ALL SET! XD I also got some books that I've been eying. as well as some new PJ pants...which I'm all about.
In the coming days I'll be first and foremost working on getting a new job. Then I'll be working on a new video soon as well as learning how to use after effects. I'm also getting my hair cut on Wednesday and Mike (Ajaxthegoat) is coming to visit on the 6th! I'm taking his ass to NYC...and it's going to be so fun. :) so lots of things happening. Hopefully the whole job thing will be resolved rapidly. Must save moneys!
weeee!

is that it?

Internet friends are among some of my favorite people.
You can talk to them for hours and never grow tired of their company.
I had this friend, Daisy, when I was younger. She was my first internet friend. we talked all the time on IM and in chat rooms we exchanged mail and she called me a few times. (Which was a big deal cause she was from the Netherlands.) We were friends for more than a year, but somehow, through the busy-ness of life, lost touch. It's sad, because she was a real friend. a great person to talk to. I still miss her.
Now that I have a lot of real friends through the internet, it's really upsetting to me when I lose touch with one. Especially when there is no real reason for it.
There are still ways to be in contact, they just choose not to use them. at least with me. or as I hear with other people as well. it's sad, when you think someone could be a friend for the rest of your life, and then they just disappear.
and it's hard when you know they are there, but they feel out of reach.
I'm REALLY hoping it doesn't stay this way. I just hate losing someone I counted as a best friend.

I love these conversations

-Caitlin
so drunk right now

-Todd
of course
raging alcholic

-Caitlin
haha of course
you are

-Todd
yup

-Caitlin
I think you need to go to rehab

-Todd
what ever u think is best

-Caitlin
and by rehab, I mean a bar in Vegas.

-Todd
hahaha good
thats what i thought u meant
OK
GOODNIGHT

-Caitlin
good

-Todd
. . . whore

-Caitlin
NIGHT!
...dick.

-Todd
<3

-Caitlin
<3

What'd I do?

Sometimes I get really upset when I haven't talked to a good friend in a while.
it makes me wonder if I did something wrong. Did I say or do something to make them not want to talk to me? this especially comes into play when I constantly make the effort to talk to them, and get no answer back or the answer is very short. like they purposefully don't want to talk to me.
sometimes it works itself out, and sometimes we just stop talking. I strongly hope it's not the latter.
It snowed at my house last night. everything is all grey and slushy, it's currently crapping out. and my eye is all wonky. I'd like to be home in bed. bleh.

Just so you know...

I have a YouTube Dream of singing with Julia Nunes. Cover, Original...don't care.
Same(ish) range, Same state....I think it would be epic.

...Just saying...

YT Live

I'm pretty thoroughly jealous of everyone going to YouTube Live. Even if I do get to watch it online.
Why does all the good YouTube Stuff happen in CA?? blah blah google location blah. other places DO exist you know! rawr.
I hope this one goes well, so that they have another next year. in CA. I want a road trip fun weekend. :P
What am I excited to do this weekend?
Clean.
This is what my life has boiled down to. Sleeping, eating, Working, Watching TV, Being generally lazy, sitting at my computer for 12+ hours a day, and getting excited to clean. oh boy.
Well I suppose my excitement to clean is also my excitement to bring loads of things to the Salvation army. so as to clear my space out a bit more so that it's easier to pack when I do move. I also have to get a savings account so I stop spending all my money. rawr!